Still Okay

I have briefly escaped from winter for the second year in a row. I shouldn't be so lucky, or rather, so fortunate. And whilst the new year rolls in as I am entering an unfamiliar hemisphere, I cannot completely stifle feelings of disappointment. The start of a new year always means the end of the old. With that, for me at least, comes many bittersweet reflections. Its pathetic of course, this self pity. My life could hardly be much better. Though its human nature I suppose, to long to for that which we do not have. Its too easy to embrace the feelings of entitlement and to complain of life's injustices and imperfections. Most people would remark over how much has changed in a year, but I cannot bring myself to do that. I do not see that very much has changed at all. Not in terms of my own life at least. I long for change, for challenges, struggles, and new adventures. I'm tired of stability and of waiting and of keeping it all together. I'm tired of looking back at yet another year and saying, "There goes another one, and everything is still.....just......fine". Some people would say that's a blessing, and I wouldn't contradict them. I don't wish to seem ungrateful for the life I've been given. I just wish I could measure passages of time with more than varying expressions of okay. I pray that in one years time, I would have some grasp on the one thing that still eludes me. The small black hole in my paradise.