Saturday, October 11, 2008
Returning
Who could've guessed that it would feel like this to come back. I hadn't thought about it, I didn't consider how it would affect me. But that seems foolish now, I should have prepared myself, because this is the weirdest feeling ever. It's as if I'm walking through a graveyard. Not in a morbid way, but it's the quiet, peaceful, emptiness that makes it feel like that now. I suppose lonely would be another word for it. I keep expecting to see people, it's like a continuous deja vu. I know it sound cliche, but everything is different now, it looks different, it feels different. This is probably what it feels like to attend your high school reunion. To see people you once knew, and know that nothing will ever be as it was then, and these people are not the same as you remember them. Or maybe it's like visiting as old house that you've long since moved out of and is now inhabited by different people. It might be the same house, but it's no longer home, it's been redecorated, it smells different, the atmosphere it different, so different it's almost uncomfortable. It's not that I don't still love it here, well actually I can't figure out whether I love it or hate it right now, but either way it's such a strong emotion that this place will stick with me. This place is like my own personal graveyard. Even though the memories have began to fade and remembering the stories is harder. This place is still full of things I have sacrificed and left behind. Returning here is inevitable, it is impossible to stay away. The connections I have to this place make it an integral part of my life. It will never go back to being just a place.
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