One Decision

I sit here on this fence. I straddle this borderline. I am at an impasse between the realms of good and evil. And as I am standing here, the longer I am standing here, it becomes gradually more difficult to differentiate between the two sides. I imagine that if there were a visible line as a divider it would be grey. Not simply because black and white combined creates grey, because I am confident that most things in this world are more complicated than just black and white. When every colour imaginable is mixed together, the resulting colour is grey, every time. Just like the finger paintings of over-zealous children who want to make a rainbow, but don't know enough to keep the colours separate.
So I stand here on my imaginary grey line and shift my weight from one foot to the other. I wish it was easy to just pick a side. If that were the case I would have done it already. I tend to gravitate towards the easiest path, for better, or for worse. However, there is no easy path to be found leading one way or the other. And as I continue to stand here longer contemplating the direction of my life, the grey line thickens. Black and white burst into a vibrant rainbow and I am stunned into confused silence. The choice that had seemed difficult at best now seems impossible. Time steadily marches on past me and my indecision, and everything seems to mock me, as if saying that the choice is obvious and I am simply too unintelligent to see it. Instead of finding clarity or resolution, I am faced with the strong desire to drown in the grey. After all, grey makes perfect sense to me right now; a compromise, a middle ground. Perhaps I have found my easy way after all, walking the broadening grey line. Or maybe I should just take a step blindly and hope that it a step in the right direction. And as I contemplate this step of faith, all the many colours disappear, and I am once again faced with nothing more than black and white. And maybe the decision was never really that hard in the first place, after all, it's all just in my head.