Today I ruined a brand new pair of boots, unintentionally of course. The weatherproofing spray which claimed to be good for "all genuine or manufactured leather and suede" was clearly not all good for my boots. I really really liked those boots. I was so excited when I bought them. And then I was furious. I was so angry I was on the border of tears at the waste of money and the loss of a possession. But before I crossed that border I thought, "Its just a thing". Boots are only a thing. And if I'm about to cry over a thing then I have a problem. Because if I can produce tears about a thing and yet I'm able to hear about and see tragedies that happen to people and not want to cry, that's a problem. If I have a stronger emotional connection to something that I own than someone in my life, or even in my species, then that is horrible. And that thought caused me to become so disturbed with myself that I was brought back from the brink of tears.
My tough love is fully functional today.
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Too Free
Today was a breakdown. Not about how bad life is, but rather about how good I have it. It was a realization that as I am planning ahead for my future I am free. Too free. Some people talk about their future plans and that have to take into account their strings, and sometimes their steel cables that are holding them in one place. I am not without strings. However, my strings are more like elastic bands, giving me a wide range of motion and mobility. But sometimes I envy the steel cables.
I often feel like me and my life are just up in the air, floating in zero gravity. And there I am up there just waiting for at least one part of my life to be affected by gravity and collide again with solid ground. Maybe then I would have some kind of direction.
It is a big wide world out there. But not so big that its beyond my reach, nor so wide that I would be unwilling to consider any corner of it.
When we are young people asked of us, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I always felt fairly smug because I always had an answer, and my answer didn't change. I think at this point in life most of my peers who were initially uncertain have begun to find their place. I think by now we're beginning to feel increasingly confident in our ability to answer that question. And just as we start to feel like we've got our lives together they change the question on us. To know what we want to be is no longer good enough. Now they ask, "Where do you want to be?" It is this question that plagues me, because this time I don't have an answer. When I think about it too much I feel like I'm suffocating with the enormous number of possible answers. I'm suffocating in my freedom.
I often feel like me and my life are just up in the air, floating in zero gravity. And there I am up there just waiting for at least one part of my life to be affected by gravity and collide again with solid ground. Maybe then I would have some kind of direction.
It is a big wide world out there. But not so big that its beyond my reach, nor so wide that I would be unwilling to consider any corner of it.
When we are young people asked of us, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I always felt fairly smug because I always had an answer, and my answer didn't change. I think at this point in life most of my peers who were initially uncertain have begun to find their place. I think by now we're beginning to feel increasingly confident in our ability to answer that question. And just as we start to feel like we've got our lives together they change the question on us. To know what we want to be is no longer good enough. Now they ask, "Where do you want to be?" It is this question that plagues me, because this time I don't have an answer. When I think about it too much I feel like I'm suffocating with the enormous number of possible answers. I'm suffocating in my freedom.
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Chocolate Oranges
Imagine....You got the news today. The news that Chocolate and Orange and hereafter inseparable.
People are thrilled, (the people that love chocolate oranges that is). But I must admit my hesitance to join the festivities on this momentous occasion. I can't help but wonder if two good things can be ruined in combination.
I mean, take chocolate. Chocolate is great. Like really great. Sure, every so often you get some cheaper waxy chocolate that disappoints you, but overall it's track record is pretty good. Even after a bad experience it finds a way to sneak back into your heart, regain your trust and get you back on it's team.
The orange is a different story. Oranges have a very strong flavour. It isn't really a sweetness, it more a tartness, or maybe the sweetness is just overpowered by the acidity. Granted, this might be a personal opinion, and oranges aren't something I choose to eat. Most of my orange interactions are with the juice, but only in my smoothie. I just can't handle the orange juice on its own. Maybe I got turned off by pulp. All it took was one mouthful of pulp and I was ready to swear off anything to do with oranges for life. But I didn't do that. I can recognize that there is some goodness in oranges. So now I just deal with it in small doses.
Now let me clarify why this chocolate orange news is upsetting. From now on I won't be able to just hide the orange in my smoothie. I won't be able to just avoid chocolate oranges in the cupboard in lieu of finding just pure chocolate elsewhere. No, from now on every time I take a bite of chocolate what will I taste? Orange. What will be the distracting element in an otherwise favourite taste? Orange.
And so, I either must acquire a taste for chocolate oranges. Or, sadly, I imagine that I will eventually just come to give up chocolate.
This is disturbing news indeed.
People are thrilled, (the people that love chocolate oranges that is). But I must admit my hesitance to join the festivities on this momentous occasion. I can't help but wonder if two good things can be ruined in combination.
I mean, take chocolate. Chocolate is great. Like really great. Sure, every so often you get some cheaper waxy chocolate that disappoints you, but overall it's track record is pretty good. Even after a bad experience it finds a way to sneak back into your heart, regain your trust and get you back on it's team.
The orange is a different story. Oranges have a very strong flavour. It isn't really a sweetness, it more a tartness, or maybe the sweetness is just overpowered by the acidity. Granted, this might be a personal opinion, and oranges aren't something I choose to eat. Most of my orange interactions are with the juice, but only in my smoothie. I just can't handle the orange juice on its own. Maybe I got turned off by pulp. All it took was one mouthful of pulp and I was ready to swear off anything to do with oranges for life. But I didn't do that. I can recognize that there is some goodness in oranges. So now I just deal with it in small doses.
Now let me clarify why this chocolate orange news is upsetting. From now on I won't be able to just hide the orange in my smoothie. I won't be able to just avoid chocolate oranges in the cupboard in lieu of finding just pure chocolate elsewhere. No, from now on every time I take a bite of chocolate what will I taste? Orange. What will be the distracting element in an otherwise favourite taste? Orange.
And so, I either must acquire a taste for chocolate oranges. Or, sadly, I imagine that I will eventually just come to give up chocolate.
This is disturbing news indeed.
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Fingertips
I feel nothing. Mostly. That's not new. I must have imagined it, or dreamt it, because it has that same strange mistiness about it. The fog now descends and stubbornly remains, because it isn't interrupted by fingertips.
I feel neutral. Mostly. I don't look back with rose glasses, nor do I look back in regret. I look back as though I am looking at the life of someone else. Like I don't know myself. Like I don't know you, or fingertips.
I feel unchanged. Mostly. But I guess that's not true, whether I feel that way or not. I think I've probably learned a lot. I know I've learned the power of fingertips.
I feel comfortable. Falling back, feet firm on what is familiar. Safe. Sometimes it feels like giddy relief. Sometimes it feels empty. And sometimes into the emptiness comes the ghost of your fingertips.
I feel neutral. Mostly. I don't look back with rose glasses, nor do I look back in regret. I look back as though I am looking at the life of someone else. Like I don't know myself. Like I don't know you, or fingertips.
I feel unchanged. Mostly. But I guess that's not true, whether I feel that way or not. I think I've probably learned a lot. I know I've learned the power of fingertips.
I feel comfortable. Falling back, feet firm on what is familiar. Safe. Sometimes it feels like giddy relief. Sometimes it feels empty. And sometimes into the emptiness comes the ghost of your fingertips.
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Lake Ontario
I'm so happy to have my lake back. Doesn't everyone feel claustrophobic if they're not within walking distance from a body of water? Its like I need it in my periphery on a daily basis, just to orient myself, just to know there are wide open spaces, just so I remember to exhale.
Its the same lake, but its new to me. Standing here I can't see home, and my home I would never be able to see today's lookout point. So close and yet so far. Its a change in perspective. Not a change so overwhelming that I'm left floundering and grasping to right myself, but still a change. Its a change where the biggest thing stays constant. I'm seeing a new face to it, but I'm reassured that it is still the same lake I have always known.
I guess that's kind of how my faith life feels too. My God is consistent. I'm seeing a new side to his face, but I know he is still the same good God.
Kingston's not so bad.
Its the same lake, but its new to me. Standing here I can't see home, and my home I would never be able to see today's lookout point. So close and yet so far. Its a change in perspective. Not a change so overwhelming that I'm left floundering and grasping to right myself, but still a change. Its a change where the biggest thing stays constant. I'm seeing a new face to it, but I'm reassured that it is still the same lake I have always known.
I guess that's kind of how my faith life feels too. My God is consistent. I'm seeing a new side to his face, but I know he is still the same good God.
Kingston's not so bad.
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Casting Call
Sometimes I waver, a lot. Sometimes I wonder if this is what I want. Do I say and do the things I do because of how I feel? Or is it that the feelings arise out of what I have done? Its like my whole life I've been preparing for this role. I've dedicated time to get the lines and gestures down, and I've been so anxious to get a chance to shine. Finally I'm cast in what seems to be my ideal theatrical number, and all the preparation makes it feel so easy. But I have to ask myself if my heart's in it. Am I just doing this because its expected of me? Am I worried my career as a happy single woman has a shelf life? I don't need stage prompts, I know how its supposed to go, but there are some parts I can't really prepare for. And I wonder when it gets to those parts, the parts that require digging into the depths of well of emotions whether anything will come up. Will I actually feel what I like to think I'm feeling, what I act as though I'm feeling, what I want to be feeling? Or am I just not as cut out for this role as I thought?
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Life Lessons Learned with Stick
1. Change does not happen instantaneously. It takes time. It takes patience.
2. There is a reason I can neither dance, nor do triple jump, nor play soccer, or the drums, and its the same reason I'm struggling with standard driving. My brain and my feet are not connected. I'm willing to have tests done to prove it.
3. Its always good to have a backup plan, especially when you're facing mountains in your life #emergencybrakelove #hills
4. There is nothing okay about 1st or 2nd gear. What's that about an object in motion? A car in 3rd gear will remain in 3rd gear so help me God.
5. Prayer is essential, and having tasks that remind you to pray are good.
6. The people in your life who care enough to pray about the small stupid problems are keepers, because when I actually have issues I know those people will have my back that much more.
7. 4-ways are the answer to everything. I think we should all evolve to have 4-way flashers on our bodies. Caution: Train-wreck coming through. Caution: Not a morning person. Caution: No idea what I'm doing here, so be a dear and go around.
8. Celebrate the small successes (and force the people around you to celebrate them too.....even if those people are children whose lives you have repeatedly put in danger)
9. Losing your cool doesn't solve problems it makes them worse
10. Lastly, don't take your blessings for granted. Especially if those blessings take the form of a beautiful automatic car.
2. There is a reason I can neither dance, nor do triple jump, nor play soccer, or the drums, and its the same reason I'm struggling with standard driving. My brain and my feet are not connected. I'm willing to have tests done to prove it.
3. Its always good to have a backup plan, especially when you're facing mountains in your life #emergencybrakelove #hills
4. There is nothing okay about 1st or 2nd gear. What's that about an object in motion? A car in 3rd gear will remain in 3rd gear so help me God.
5. Prayer is essential, and having tasks that remind you to pray are good.
6. The people in your life who care enough to pray about the small stupid problems are keepers, because when I actually have issues I know those people will have my back that much more.
7. 4-ways are the answer to everything. I think we should all evolve to have 4-way flashers on our bodies. Caution: Train-wreck coming through. Caution: Not a morning person. Caution: No idea what I'm doing here, so be a dear and go around.
8. Celebrate the small successes (and force the people around you to celebrate them too.....even if those people are children whose lives you have repeatedly put in danger)
9. Losing your cool doesn't solve problems it makes them worse
10. Lastly, don't take your blessings for granted. Especially if those blessings take the form of a beautiful automatic car.
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Fine Lines
Walk straight, one foot in front of the other, you can extend your arms for balance if you choose, but it shouldn't be that difficult.
Surprisingly it is. It is that difficult.
This is the low balance beam, only a few feet off the ground, no real danger here. A mis-step or a lapse in balance will only lead to a soft tumble onto the forgiving mats I've carefully laid out below. And that happens sometimes, because this is still new to me. Sometime I lose concentration and slip. Sometimes I walk too fast, I get ahead of myself and I trip. Sometimes I want to try something new and I lose control. I know what its like to take a tumble, but I can handle it. It might mean a wounded pride, it might mean a bruise, but its a small price to pay for a mistake. Most of the time no one even notices. Yeah, its a pretty foolproof set up I've got here with my balance beam and safety mats.
Sometimes I get restless though, longing for higher stakes, bigger risk. That's when I think about the tight-rope stretched high above me. I see the girl up there, I often watch her as she makes the task look effortless. Its such a fine line to walk with no net below. I shake my head at her recklessness and yet still I envy her.
I imagine myself in her shoes. I imagine what it would be like to stand with my toes on the edge of that starting platform, adrenaline pulsing through my veins...but then I look down. I see the strategically placed mats down below. Mats that can provide no forgiveness for a fall from this height.
Does she realize that?
Does she know, my gymnast friend, that these minimal precautions are inadequate?
I size up the tight-rope. I know, beyond a doubt, that I will fall off this nearly invisible line. I still sometimes fall from the balance beam. And even if I were able to complete the impossible, even if I were miraculously able to reach the far platform, that would not be the end of this. After that I know, with equal certainty, that I would test fate again and again, as she does, in order to feel that rush. And one day, inevitably, I would fall. Just as one day, inevitably, she will fall. Human error is one of the most reliable facts of life. And when I fall, when she falls from that tight-rope, it will not be to next morning bruises or renewed humility. If I fell it would break me, it might even break my heart.
And so I bring my mind down from that lofty edge, to focus on putting one foot in front of the other. It is a bittersweet adventure we are both taking, as we each walk our own fine lines.
Surprisingly it is. It is that difficult.
This is the low balance beam, only a few feet off the ground, no real danger here. A mis-step or a lapse in balance will only lead to a soft tumble onto the forgiving mats I've carefully laid out below. And that happens sometimes, because this is still new to me. Sometime I lose concentration and slip. Sometimes I walk too fast, I get ahead of myself and I trip. Sometimes I want to try something new and I lose control. I know what its like to take a tumble, but I can handle it. It might mean a wounded pride, it might mean a bruise, but its a small price to pay for a mistake. Most of the time no one even notices. Yeah, its a pretty foolproof set up I've got here with my balance beam and safety mats.
Sometimes I get restless though, longing for higher stakes, bigger risk. That's when I think about the tight-rope stretched high above me. I see the girl up there, I often watch her as she makes the task look effortless. Its such a fine line to walk with no net below. I shake my head at her recklessness and yet still I envy her.
I imagine myself in her shoes. I imagine what it would be like to stand with my toes on the edge of that starting platform, adrenaline pulsing through my veins...but then I look down. I see the strategically placed mats down below. Mats that can provide no forgiveness for a fall from this height.
Does she realize that?
Does she know, my gymnast friend, that these minimal precautions are inadequate?
I size up the tight-rope. I know, beyond a doubt, that I will fall off this nearly invisible line. I still sometimes fall from the balance beam. And even if I were able to complete the impossible, even if I were miraculously able to reach the far platform, that would not be the end of this. After that I know, with equal certainty, that I would test fate again and again, as she does, in order to feel that rush. And one day, inevitably, I would fall. Just as one day, inevitably, she will fall. Human error is one of the most reliable facts of life. And when I fall, when she falls from that tight-rope, it will not be to next morning bruises or renewed humility. If I fell it would break me, it might even break my heart.
And so I bring my mind down from that lofty edge, to focus on putting one foot in front of the other. It is a bittersweet adventure we are both taking, as we each walk our own fine lines.
Monday, February 18, 2013
Resilience
Resilience by definition is the ability for an object to return to its original form after being bent, compressed, stretched etc. OR a person's ability to recover from a form of adversity.
Its kind of a cool concept. The idea of remaining unchanged by the forces around us. We see resilience everyday. We watch our bodies heal themselves from something like a bruise. We see people recover from a serious illness. We watch people who have endured terrible relational heartbreak who have picked themselves up, moved on, and forged new relationships. A great example would be all the perennials that endure a harsh winter each year and re-emerge like new each spring.
Unfortunately human resilience is not quite so simple as trees and tulips.
Human resilience leaves a mark. It isn't possibly to return to the original form. There is the possibility of assuming a new form very similar to the old, but there are subtle marked differences. Bones will heal, but will remain more fragile than those which were never broken. Deep cuts will heal but there will remain a scar. We may recover from illness or disease, but traces of it stay with us, our immune system both strengthened and weakened. Our hearts may mend from heartbreak, but the memories remain, and we step into life more cautiously after we have exuded human resilience in any of these ways.
Human resilience is not eternal. Children demonstrate the most resilience both physically and emotionally. Its pretty much all downhill from there. Resilience is kind of a limited entity. You can only get out of jail free, (or almost free), so many times before you have to do some time, or pay through the nose to get out of it. Its kind of like the nine lives thing. Our bodies, our hearts, will give us second chances, and lots of them, but as much as they may seem unlimited, eventually we will discover they're not.
And I fear that day, because I depend on that resilience in my life. I take for granted that, like an elastic, I'll just snap back every time. But that's not how it will always work, and I'm worried that one day I might just snap.
Its kind of a cool concept. The idea of remaining unchanged by the forces around us. We see resilience everyday. We watch our bodies heal themselves from something like a bruise. We see people recover from a serious illness. We watch people who have endured terrible relational heartbreak who have picked themselves up, moved on, and forged new relationships. A great example would be all the perennials that endure a harsh winter each year and re-emerge like new each spring.
Unfortunately human resilience is not quite so simple as trees and tulips.
Human resilience leaves a mark. It isn't possibly to return to the original form. There is the possibility of assuming a new form very similar to the old, but there are subtle marked differences. Bones will heal, but will remain more fragile than those which were never broken. Deep cuts will heal but there will remain a scar. We may recover from illness or disease, but traces of it stay with us, our immune system both strengthened and weakened. Our hearts may mend from heartbreak, but the memories remain, and we step into life more cautiously after we have exuded human resilience in any of these ways.
Human resilience is not eternal. Children demonstrate the most resilience both physically and emotionally. Its pretty much all downhill from there. Resilience is kind of a limited entity. You can only get out of jail free, (or almost free), so many times before you have to do some time, or pay through the nose to get out of it. Its kind of like the nine lives thing. Our bodies, our hearts, will give us second chances, and lots of them, but as much as they may seem unlimited, eventually we will discover they're not.
And I fear that day, because I depend on that resilience in my life. I take for granted that, like an elastic, I'll just snap back every time. But that's not how it will always work, and I'm worried that one day I might just snap.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Dream Home
It really was a beautiful house. Made of rough stone, with ivy creeping up the side, a heavy wooden door, and even a cobblestone walkway through the garden. It really was perfect. It had met all of her requirements, and for that reason she was pretty sad to leave it. But the world is full of adventures and she knew eventually she'd come back.
At first she missed the house a lot, she was reminded of it often and remembered it fondly. But as time passed and months turned into years, the memory of the house gathered cobwebs in her mind that she would have to mentally dust off every so often when she reminisced.
Finally the time came for her to return from her travels. As the date drew nearer and people reminded her of her imminent departure, she realized how excited she was to reunite with the house. It once again occupied many frequent thoughts. She wondered if it had changed much, if the ivy had been cut back or left to grow wild. She wondered if the dent in the front door was still there or if it had been fixed...
Upon her arrival her excitement was hard to contain, and as she walked up to the gate, she paused to take it all in. It was just as she imagined it, just as she remembered it. Maybe even more beautiful. Just as she was about to open the gate, as if in synchronization the front door also began to open. From behind her favourite wooden door, with the dent no longer visible, stepped another beautiful woman looking perfectly at home.
Suddenly everything shifts into focus. As the one woman walks down the cobblestone path, she doesn't even notice the other standing at the gate. She takes one step off the path to remove the "SOLD" sign from the lawn. The woman at the gate is at a loss...this isn't her house...it never was...it had always been for sale...she didn't even put an offer down before she left...and now it was occupied, though only recently, and the opportunity was lost.
There is no happy ending to this story. The woman was left standing there, unable to go any closer than the white picket fence to which she clung, and her breath caught in her throat. She exhaled a unsteady sigh of loss and regret. Then she turned and walked away, hoping that soon, very soon, the cobwebs would return and cover any images left of the house in a thick grey haze that could not be swept away.
At first she missed the house a lot, she was reminded of it often and remembered it fondly. But as time passed and months turned into years, the memory of the house gathered cobwebs in her mind that she would have to mentally dust off every so often when she reminisced.
Finally the time came for her to return from her travels. As the date drew nearer and people reminded her of her imminent departure, she realized how excited she was to reunite with the house. It once again occupied many frequent thoughts. She wondered if it had changed much, if the ivy had been cut back or left to grow wild. She wondered if the dent in the front door was still there or if it had been fixed...
Upon her arrival her excitement was hard to contain, and as she walked up to the gate, she paused to take it all in. It was just as she imagined it, just as she remembered it. Maybe even more beautiful. Just as she was about to open the gate, as if in synchronization the front door also began to open. From behind her favourite wooden door, with the dent no longer visible, stepped another beautiful woman looking perfectly at home.
Suddenly everything shifts into focus. As the one woman walks down the cobblestone path, she doesn't even notice the other standing at the gate. She takes one step off the path to remove the "SOLD" sign from the lawn. The woman at the gate is at a loss...this isn't her house...it never was...it had always been for sale...she didn't even put an offer down before she left...and now it was occupied, though only recently, and the opportunity was lost.
There is no happy ending to this story. The woman was left standing there, unable to go any closer than the white picket fence to which she clung, and her breath caught in her throat. She exhaled a unsteady sigh of loss and regret. Then she turned and walked away, hoping that soon, very soon, the cobwebs would return and cover any images left of the house in a thick grey haze that could not be swept away.
Monday, January 28, 2013
Someone
Someone who can read me
Someone who can hug me and make me feel safe
Someone who makes me laugh
Someone who isn't afraid to argue and make me cry
Someone who reads
Someone who knows that asking for help is a big deal and will drop anything on the few occasions when I do
Someone who can surprise me
Someone on time
Someone who will once or twice a year hold me while I have a really good cry
Someone who knows I'm strong, but will still do the heavy lifting
Someone who doesn't tuck the sheets in
Someone who takes risks
Someone who can handle silence
Someone who will kill all the spiders
Someone who leads
Someone like that is the someone I want :)
Someone who can hug me and make me feel safe
Someone who makes me laugh
Someone who isn't afraid to argue and make me cry
Someone who reads
Someone who knows that asking for help is a big deal and will drop anything on the few occasions when I do
Someone who can surprise me
Someone on time
Someone who will once or twice a year hold me while I have a really good cry
Someone who knows I'm strong, but will still do the heavy lifting
Someone who doesn't tuck the sheets in
Someone who takes risks
Someone who can handle silence
Someone who will kill all the spiders
Someone who leads
Someone like that is the someone I want :)
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Philos
We all seem to run into this dilemma at some point in our lives where we all wish we could hear and say "I love you" more often, and yet we also don't want to diminish the meaning of love. I count myself among this frustrated number, and therefore find it helpful to distinguish between certain kinds of love. Love and "I love you" can mean countless things to different people, spark a range of emotions and cause people to act in a variety of ways. But just in regards to me personally, I think in its most basic sense, saying I love you means this: I care about you. I love many many things about you, and I unconditionally accept everything else. It means loyalty and respect and sometimes sacrifice. And I think this most basic, yet still powerful definition of love can be considered the love found in friendships. And then it is good to be reminded that 1 Corinthians 13 still applies even in the love found in friendships, that love is still real. So while I hope I do not use "I love you" flippantly, there are my closest friends who I really do love by this definition, and I feel no qualms about telling them so. I see no benefit in not telling people you love them when you do.
However, I can appreciate how things can sometimes get a bit hazy when friendship love crosses gender lines. And for that reason, I have found it helpful to define what I believe to be romantic love, by defining what friendship love is not....
Friendship "I love you" is not "I am in love with you"
Friendship "I love you" is not "I want to share the rest of my life with you, my home, my finances, everything"
Friendship "I love you" is not "I want to have a family with you"......and just for the record...
Friendship "I love you" is not "I want to have sex with you"
Friendship "I love you" is not "You past is my past, and I will carry your baggage as my own"
Friendship "I love you" is not "I am willing to put some of my dreams and goals on hold in order to pursue yours"
Now...if you and your friend feel any of the things on the above list about each other, then you have crossed the threshold into feelings of romantic love. On the one hand, congratulations for breaking out of the friend zone. I truly believe some of the best relationships begin as friendships, and I wish you all the best. On the other hand, if that's not what you're looking for with this friend, then I suggest you take caution, or, to quote Russell Peters: somebody a gonna get hurta reeeeal bad.
Lastly, the incredibly inexperienced love guru within me would like to draw your attention to one final point. Notice how the majority of things I mentioned pertaining to love are action words...acceptance, loyalty, sacrifice, patience, kindness etc. Furthermore, these are all choices, these are traits one chooses to emit. Which leads me to my strongest belief regarding love, and I've said this before. I do not believe love to be a feeling. Feelings are fleeting, feelings can fade, and feelings are sometimes out of our control. I believe love to be a choice, and that my good sirs is what gives the words "I love you" their weight.
However, I can appreciate how things can sometimes get a bit hazy when friendship love crosses gender lines. And for that reason, I have found it helpful to define what I believe to be romantic love, by defining what friendship love is not....
Friendship "I love you" is not "I am in love with you"
Friendship "I love you" is not "I want to share the rest of my life with you, my home, my finances, everything"
Friendship "I love you" is not "I want to have a family with you"......and just for the record...
Friendship "I love you" is not "I want to have sex with you"
Friendship "I love you" is not "You past is my past, and I will carry your baggage as my own"
Friendship "I love you" is not "I am willing to put some of my dreams and goals on hold in order to pursue yours"
Now...if you and your friend feel any of the things on the above list about each other, then you have crossed the threshold into feelings of romantic love. On the one hand, congratulations for breaking out of the friend zone. I truly believe some of the best relationships begin as friendships, and I wish you all the best. On the other hand, if that's not what you're looking for with this friend, then I suggest you take caution, or, to quote Russell Peters: somebody a gonna get hurta reeeeal bad.
Lastly, the incredibly inexperienced love guru within me would like to draw your attention to one final point. Notice how the majority of things I mentioned pertaining to love are action words...acceptance, loyalty, sacrifice, patience, kindness etc. Furthermore, these are all choices, these are traits one chooses to emit. Which leads me to my strongest belief regarding love, and I've said this before. I do not believe love to be a feeling. Feelings are fleeting, feelings can fade, and feelings are sometimes out of our control. I believe love to be a choice, and that my good sirs is what gives the words "I love you" their weight.
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