Too Free

Today was a breakdown. Not about how bad life is, but rather about how good I have it. It was a realization that as I am planning ahead for my future I am free. Too free. Some people talk about their future plans and that have to take into account their strings, and sometimes their steel cables that are holding them in one place. I am not without strings. However, my strings are more like elastic bands, giving me a wide range of motion and mobility. But sometimes I envy the steel cables.
I often feel like me and my life are just up in the air, floating in zero gravity. And there I am up there just waiting for at least one part of my life to be affected by gravity and collide again with solid ground. Maybe then I would have some kind of direction.

It is a big wide world out there. But not so big that its beyond my reach, nor so wide that I would be unwilling to consider any corner of it.

When we are young people asked of us, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I always felt fairly smug because I always had an answer, and my answer didn't change. I think at this point in life most of my peers who were initially uncertain have begun to find their place. I think by now we're beginning to feel increasingly confident in our ability to answer that question. And just as we start to feel like we've got our lives together they change the question on us. To know what we want to be is no longer good enough. Now they ask, "Where do you want to be?" It is this question that plagues me, because this time I don't have an answer. When I think about it too much I feel like I'm suffocating with the enormous number of possible answers. I'm suffocating in my freedom.