Casting Call

Sometimes I waver, a lot. Sometimes I wonder if this is what I want. Do I say and do the things I do because of how I feel? Or is it that the feelings arise out of what I have done? Its like my whole life I've been preparing for this role. I've dedicated time to get the lines and gestures down, and I've been so anxious to get a chance to shine. Finally I'm cast in what seems to be my ideal theatrical number, and all the preparation makes it feel so easy. But I have to ask myself if my heart's in it. Am I just doing this because its expected of me? Am I worried my career as a happy single woman has a shelf life? I don't need stage prompts, I know how its supposed to go, but there are some parts I can't really prepare for. And I wonder when it gets to those parts, the parts that require digging into the depths of well of emotions whether anything will come up. Will I actually feel what I like to think I'm feeling, what I act as though I'm feeling, what I want to be feeling? Or am I just not as cut out for this role as I thought?