Philos

We all seem to run into this dilemma at some point in our lives where we all wish we could hear and say "I love you" more often, and yet we also don't want to diminish the meaning of love. I count myself among this frustrated number, and therefore find it helpful to distinguish between certain kinds of love. Love and "I love you" can mean countless things to different people, spark a range of emotions and cause people to act in a variety of ways. But just in regards to me personally, I think in its most basic sense, saying I love you means this: I care about you. I love many many things about you, and I unconditionally accept everything else. It means loyalty and respect and sometimes sacrifice. And I think this most basic, yet still powerful definition of love can be considered the love found in friendships. And then it is good to be reminded that 1 Corinthians 13 still applies even in the love found in friendships, that love is still real. So while I hope I do not use "I love you" flippantly, there are my closest friends who I really do love by this definition, and I feel no qualms about telling them so. I see no benefit in not telling people you love them when you do.

However, I can appreciate how things can sometimes get a bit hazy when friendship love crosses gender lines. And for that reason, I have found it helpful to define what I believe to be romantic love, by defining what friendship love is not....

Friendship "I love you" is not "I am in love with you"
Friendship "I love you" is not "I want to share the rest of my life with you, my home, my finances, everything"
Friendship "I love you" is not "I want to have a family with you"......and just for the record...
Friendship "I love you" is not "I want to have sex with you"
Friendship "I love you" is not "You past is my past, and I will carry your baggage as my own"
Friendship "I love you" is not "I am willing to put some of my dreams and goals on hold in order to pursue yours"

Now...if you and your friend feel any of the things on the above list about each other, then you have crossed the threshold into feelings of romantic love. On the one hand, congratulations for breaking out of the friend zone. I truly believe some of the best relationships begin as friendships, and I wish you all the best. On the other hand, if that's not what you're looking for with this friend, then I suggest you take caution, or, to quote Russell Peters: somebody a gonna get hurta reeeeal bad.

Lastly, the incredibly inexperienced love guru within me would like to draw your attention to one final point. Notice how the majority of things I mentioned pertaining to love are action words...acceptance, loyalty, sacrifice, patience, kindness etc. Furthermore, these are all choices, these are traits one chooses to emit. Which leads me to my strongest belief regarding love, and I've said this before. I do not believe love to be a feeling. Feelings are fleeting, feelings can fade, and feelings are sometimes out of our control. I believe love to be a choice, and that my good sirs is what gives the words "I love you" their weight.