Happy Birthday

I don’t think I’ve ever been more happy for a birthday, especially since it isn’t mine. And even though it isn’t my own, I feel as if I have received quite a gift. The fact that the passing of this birthday had ever been in doubt, makes me appreciate it that much more. There was a time when the whole future seemed shaky, when every day felt like a gift. I remember when the colour left your face, and I remember the days when all we did was wait, for nothing, but hoped that maybe a hint of colour would come back. I remember preparing for the worst, I remember crying over the possibilities. But all those are, are memories. They are not our reality anymore, they are just remnants of what was, and what could have been. We’ve far from forgotten, there are daily reminders of what has changed, and what will never be the same. We don’t cry anymore though, not over these small things. You never did . You were so strong. You never gave up hope, you never thought the worst. You have taught me so much this year. You changed me world, dividing it. Dividing it into what is certain, and what is not. The people in my life were split, between those who wanted to know to know, and those who wanted to know to help. You taught me to listen, instead of speaking in uncertainty. You taught me how to wait, even when I didn’t know what I was waiting for. Even now, when we are so focused on what is still not right, you choose to concentrate on the small victories, on what has been regained, on getting so much of your life back. So I’m sure that you will celebrate your birthday, just as you have celebrated the 16 others. But I will celebrate your birthday with just a bit more enthusiasm this year. And everything birthday after this, even as the memories grow older, and the dosages grow smaller, I will remember how far we’ve come, and how blessed we are. Happy Birthday

Perceptions

How can you be so closed minded? You are so confident that every one of your thoughts and beliefs is infallibly correct. That self-assurance is something I have both envied and loathed. How dare you judge so quickly and so harshly? How dare you judge at all? I cannot bring myself to see the world through your eyes. I'm afraid of what I might see when I look around. I'm afraid of what I might see in me. For surely I have not gone unnoticed. Surely you have also drawn conclusions about me as well. For years I have heard so many opinions escape your lips. I shudder to think at what stays locked inside your head. I shudder at how we were compared, likened to each other. This trait of yours, it is not something I wish to be acknowledged for. In the past there may have been truth in that, but I have worked to move past that. However, I feel as if you have no desire to do the same. Your 'ability' to judge gives you power. Perceived power that you do not want to relinquish. In your world perceptions are truth. As I watch you pass judgement on the nameless and strangers, I wonder again, how do you perceive me?

Rebecca

I’ve never met you. I’ve never even seen your face. But I know your name. And I know your grandfather, and my heart breaks for you.

Cancer. Inoperable. My mind can't even grasp that.

They said that there was a 5% chance of your survival once it attached to an organ. There was a 0% chance once it attached to three. The cancer in you has attached to six. You will never leave the hospital.

It seems so unfair that life is being stolen from you at such a young age. Seventeen, still a child. I am grateful that you were able to find love at such an age, and yet, that makes the loss that much greater.

As I teach your grandpa how to be a lifesaver, how tragic it is, that the only life that he cares about saving cannot be. How quickly I can forget that everyone has a story.

If I could look in your eyes, I wonder what I would see. Anger? Apathy? Acceptance? Are you afraid? I find myself praying for a miracle, and I wonder how many other prayers are being lifted up for you. And I wonder how much time you have left.

To Trust or Not to Trust...

Where do I go from here with this handful of years
Do I trust again
Or not

All the reasons to go, are reasons you can’t know
But I know you lied
A lot

And just when I’m ready to leave you behind
You say something right
And change my mind

I’m still on guard, just the same as before
Its still just the same
Nothing less, nothing more.

Please Don't Take My Sunshine Away

In these dreary winter times, I would just like to remind everyone that the sun really is out there somewhere. When I was on vacation this past Christmas, I really enjoyed taking pictures of the sun, its what I miss most in the months that end in 'uary'

Our Family Story

If you’ve been fortunate enough to visit our lovely condo unit, you know of all the wonderful shenanigans that frequently occur. If not, let me just inform you of a few things you should maybe anticipate. Upon your arrival, you are most likely going to be greeted with the smell of freshly baked cookies, and also probably provided with a delicious home cooked meal. The only purpose of baking sheets is for cookies, just so you know.

You’ll likely be introduced to our pet, Dylan the fish, version 2.0. We really spoil him, and he’s really chill, sometimes we all feed him in the same day, and sometimes over Christmas breaks, he just doesn’t get fed at all. But he knows we love him.

During your visit, if you are to hear a rather loud noise that somewhat resembles a bomb siren, don’t bother looking to the smoke detector, instead direct your attention to the washroom. Our toilet has been giving us a bit of attitude lately, making this atrocious wailing noise at all hours of the day, and night. I suppose it could be a desperate cry for attention.

It is also a good idea to drop by the house during any kind of special occasion....Christmas, Valentine’s Day, Bubble bath Day, and you will play witness to our amazing decorating skills. It really is a treat. However, even if you visit on one of the few days of the year not allotted as a day of celebration, you can always visit some of our themed rooms, such as the science bathroom, the tropical bedroom, or the ever popular 70s living room.

Now, a few words of warning, do not be alarmed if the door is opened by a purple suited individual. If you notice the disappearing and reappearing pole in the living room, do not fear, it is not integral to the structural support of the house. Remember to dodge the rolly green chair zooming down the main hallway. Bring pajamas with you just in case the time if right for a PJ race.

Finally, my roommates and I will be ever so much more gracious if you bring along a gift of chocolate for your visit, or even perhaps a nice can of tomato sauce.