Idea for a Children's Book

Once upon a time there was a little duck, a duckling if you will. Duckling had a brother, and they both lived in a beautiful pond with Mama and Papa Duck. But while Duckling was still quite little, Brother Duck swam away and never returned home. This caused a great deal of anger, hurt, and sadness for the Duck family. None-the-less, Duckling had a fairly happy ducklinghood, minus the no sibling thing, and the fact that Mama and Papa Duck sometimes fought. As Duckling got older, the fighting increased. The little duckling was so tired of all the quacking. Mama and Papa Duck decided that they wanted to swim to a new pond, they figured that might make things better. Duckling did not want to go. Duckling returned to the old pond often, she still called it home. She spent most of her time there, and preferred it there with old friends, to the new pond with Mama and Papa Duck. Then one day, Papa Duck decided that he still wasn't content with the new pond, and that he also was no longer content with Mama Duck. So he left for another new pond alone, without even telling Duckling. And so the 3 ducks lived in 3 separate ponds, and Duckling felt at home nowhere. She felt like her past had just been erased, and like her future had been ruined. Duckling could have created a whole new pond with her tears. She tried to swim after Papa Duck, to convince him to come home. But Papa Duck swam faster and harder than Duckling, and would not listen. Duckling just wanted a home to belong to again. She would have given anything to return to the incessant quacking of Mama and Papa, instead of the terrible silence she was left with. She couldn't figure out why none of this was happening to any of her other duck friends. It didn't seem fair. And she never figured it out. Because it wasn't fair, and it wasn't right, and nothing would ever make it that way.

The Cost

One stupid mistake, and its going to cost you. One moment of pure idiocy, or selfishness, or laziness, and it could ruin everything. Who knows what its going to mean for you. I don't know whether its going to cost you time, or your heart, or your future. The stakes only go from high to higher.

The tragic part is, you're not the only one who has to pay the cost. It will be a two-fold payment. There is a second heart, a second life that you obviously failed to consider in that moment. In a rare occurrence, you stand completely alone, on your side, which houses all the blame. You hold full responsibility. There isn't ever a question.

Trust, how quickly you took advantage of it, how quickly you took it for granted. How much different really is trust broken and heart broken? How could you let this happen?

The decision is already made. Not consciously yet, but somewhere knowing and understanding the heart and head made a choice. One surrendered to the other. There were only two choices, each equally painful. Now all there is to do is wait. Wait for the losing part to cry itself out, to cry for what was, what is, and what still might be. To cry itself into submission, and to disappear, leaving only one option. There was only ever one option that could be lived with. Then the choice will be recognized.

Nothing to do until then but wait until what is known is finally understood.

Some Memorable Quotes from 2010

"What's my religion again?" -Julia

"Maybe the CD rapture came" -Valerie

"Is Chuck Norris Australian?" -Mom

Julia- "Every time I hear the name Gordon I always always think of that green train....."
Krista- "????????"
Julia- "You know, the one from Thomas the Tank Engine"

"I didn't want to pay $17 for a razor that takes batteries!! Now I have to open this thing and see if it blasts off into space of something! *makes Darth Vader noises*" - Mom

"You can eat whatever you want because you have the OneCard (Student Card) that Jesus gave you and its like the 5 loaves and 2 fish!!" -Dad

"Santa Clause NEEDS your minute-flyer(humidifyer)" - 3 yr old Kieran (in July)

"ON STAR, save me from the rapist outside!!!!!!" -Joel

"Is anyone wearing camouflage? No? How about camouflage underwear? No? Okay, does anyone own a chameleon?" -History Prof

Distant Courage

One day I'm really going to give you a piece of my mind. One day, when I'm brave enough, you're really going to hear it. One day I won't hold back, I won't try to protect your feelings or my pride. I will explain how everything you've done over the past few years has screwed with me.

Then I'm going to ask you a question. I'm going to ask you if you knew. I'm going to ask you if you ever did any of it intentionally. Was this ever more than what we made it out to be? Or was everyone always wrong? Was I delusional?

You're going to answer me, and after all this time, I hope you know better than to lie.

From 30 000 feet in the air, I suppose its pretty easy to find perspective. When you're a world away its easy to find the courage. Its easy to convince myself of my steadfast resolve. But I know that as the altitude drops, so will my surety.

Maybe I'll let you play me for another few years. Or maybe one day I'll just explode. Either way, this has been building for too long. I could fill a book with these stories. Everyday it gets harder to keep my mouth shut, and everyday the stakes get higher.

As I fly home, as every minute brings me closer to you, it also pulls you further away. You're further than when I left, and everyday will be incrementally worse.

Thank goodness you're happy, otherwise I don't know whether I could stand to keep quiet, knowing you're somewhere on the other side of these clouds.