Most days I think we've got this. Most days I think that its inevitable, and I'm just waiting for you to figure it out. Some days you impress me, some days I'll look into your eyes and see something there. But there are other days, other times when you've forced me to second guess myself. Days when I wonder if you're actually as oblivious as you sometimes appear.
I know we're friends. I know you trust me. But is that it, is that all? I know that other people see it. I don't think I can just be the advice giver. I don't know if I can continue to play the carefree friend. I don't know why you keep giving me hope, and I'm not sure if I keep asking for it.
I can't understand your life or where its going. I can't understand your heart or what it wants. I can't understand your mind or what you're thinking, mostly. But sometimes I see you really trying to figure life out, sometimes I see you going for love and I get it, sometimes I'm able to finish your sentences, or even speak your thoughts out loud.
To the one who lacks initiative, when we've spent two hours talking alone, and we've both poured out parts of our hearts, and we're walking back together, that would be an appropriate time to hold my hand. To the one who needs a clue, when we're walking in the rain, side by side, and I'm without and umbrella, the appropriate gesture would be to share yours, even if I swear I'm fine. To the one I can't stop thinking about, after you've openly admitted your reluctance for physical contact, and later pulled me into a hug that I never asked for, the appropriate follow up action may include a coffee and another good long chat.
These are just several examples of things I really should tell you, but I won't. I'm scared, and you've got me, and I hate it, in part. I hate not knowing what's going to happen, or not happen. I don't know my plan, and I don't know God's plan, and I don't know if you've ever had a plan in your life. But I know that when I look into your eyes, I wish I didn't have to look away so soon. I know that when your arms are around me, I feel your reluctance to let go and I wish I didn't have to make myself pull away. I know that when you say my name, everything inside me smiles, but I also know that my face shows you indifference, and I wish it didn't have to be that way. And I know that you don't know any of this, but I kinda wish you did.
I know we're friends. I know you trust me. But is that it, is that all? I know that other people see it. I don't think I can just be the advice giver. I don't know if I can continue to play the carefree friend. I don't know why you keep giving me hope, and I'm not sure if I keep asking for it.
I can't understand your life or where its going. I can't understand your heart or what it wants. I can't understand your mind or what you're thinking, mostly. But sometimes I see you really trying to figure life out, sometimes I see you going for love and I get it, sometimes I'm able to finish your sentences, or even speak your thoughts out loud.
To the one who lacks initiative, when we've spent two hours talking alone, and we've both poured out parts of our hearts, and we're walking back together, that would be an appropriate time to hold my hand. To the one who needs a clue, when we're walking in the rain, side by side, and I'm without and umbrella, the appropriate gesture would be to share yours, even if I swear I'm fine. To the one I can't stop thinking about, after you've openly admitted your reluctance for physical contact, and later pulled me into a hug that I never asked for, the appropriate follow up action may include a coffee and another good long chat.
These are just several examples of things I really should tell you, but I won't. I'm scared, and you've got me, and I hate it, in part. I hate not knowing what's going to happen, or not happen. I don't know my plan, and I don't know God's plan, and I don't know if you've ever had a plan in your life. But I know that when I look into your eyes, I wish I didn't have to look away so soon. I know that when your arms are around me, I feel your reluctance to let go and I wish I didn't have to make myself pull away. I know that when you say my name, everything inside me smiles, but I also know that my face shows you indifference, and I wish it didn't have to be that way. And I know that you don't know any of this, but I kinda wish you did.
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