Today was my last swim before the big day. Which is a little risky because if I don't swim Sunday or Monday then I'll have been out of the water for debatably too long. But let's be optimistic and say it'll be fine! Today's swim brings this week's mileage up to a whopping 10km. Okay body, time to go into charging mode, and save up all that energy!
I got my blood results back. Iron levels at 14! Spectacular! Christine hasn't even asked so I'm not even going to tell her. I'll be fine, even Taliano thinks I'll be okay. Some research says that women's iron levels can be in the normal range at as low as 12, so maybe that's me! Too late to turn back now.
I also switched gyms this week. I'll be 24 in the fall and my YMCA membership was going to go up in price. So I checked out Goodlife Fitness and made the switch. Perks include: a pool that is still unreasonably warm, but totally empty most of the day, AND open 24 hours. Also massage chairs. But man oh man Goodlife, even though I'm still convinced I made the right decision, you made me second guess myself today. So here is my open letter to Goodlife Fitness.
Dear Goodlife Fitness,
I recently switched over to your gym from the YMCA. I was greeted by friendly staff, given a great tour of the facility, received a free book AND a free duffel bag! In addition I noticed that the average age of members was well under that of the YMCA, and because I'm 23, I find this is quite nice... for so many reasons. Well done, good start!
Then, I sat down at one of your little discussion tables and was taken through your intro package with a personal trainer. You asked me about why I joined the gym, and what my fitness goals are, and what I'd like to see change in my body. This should have been my first indication that things were headed south. But instead I continued naively, answered all your questions, and even agreed to a follow-up session. This session would be with a different personal trainer who would do a workout with me, and a bunch of health assessments to give me my numbers (BMI, Weight, Body Fat% and composition etc). Well that sounded exciting! After selling out all my closest friends and family in order to get a free water bottle, I left the gym, looking forward to returning the next day for my personal training session.
So I arrived at the gym today and was greeted by a higher ranking personal trainer who took me through a workout which I actually found reasonably informative and challenging at certain parts. I had never used the squat bars before outside of a lifting class, and she corrected my technique in a few exercises. Over all, not a bad session! Next came the health assessment. We went back to the little discussion tables and got started.
Something you should know about me Goodlife -- I'm going to swim across Lake Erie in 4 days. Its approximately a 20km double marathon swim. I can't guarantee you that I will make it across, but the important thing to know is that I've trained for it. I've trained hard for it. For 7 months now I have been working out 8-9 times per week, for usually about 2 hours at a time. I am the fittest I have ever been. I am an athlete.
This was not kept a secret from the personal trainer I was working with. (Could you keep it a secret if you were swimming across a Great Lake in 4 days?!) I thought it was kind of odd that this personal trainer had almost no reaction to this piece of information, but I quickly took myself off of my high horse. I'm sure many more-impressive athletes than myself have walked through those doors, and I'm sure Goodlife has been the training ground for much more impressive athletic feats. So we plowed onwards as if I wasn't any different, which, I reasoned, was true. I was again asked questions about my fitness goals and what I would like to change. But we got really specific this time, and I felt myself start to get defensive. When I wasn't providing very detailed answers, (ex. I guess I'd like to continue to see more muscle tone), she tried to suggest some for me;
"Where would you like to see more muscle/less fat? What parts of your body do you feel uncomfortable with? Would you like to lose inches somewhere specific? Is there a dress size or pant size that you're aiming for?"
Now, I'm going to give my one-off personal trainer the benefit of the doubt. I'm sure these questions are scripted and its not her fault that they're terrible. I'm looking at you corporate Goodlife - those are NOT good questions!
I actually took a few moments and a couple breathes before I answered. I said, "You know what, I'm probably never going to be 100% satisfied all the time with how I look, or how I feel my body looks, and I think that's normal. But right now I just can't hate on my body. Right now that actually feels wrong! I have been pushing my body to its physical limits, I have being seeing tangible evidence of myself getting stronger, I've been asking for a lot, and my body has been doing absolutely everything I've asked it to! I'm very happy about that!" And then I asked if we could move on.
The next part of the health assessment was blood pressure. I know what my blood pressure should be. I used to take it all the time, ever since I was 12 in Shoppers Drug Mart. I have used my brother's cuff for at-home monitoring, and I have it taken every time I donate blood. You know what it says every.single.time? 110/70. OCCASIONALLY 120/80. Resting heart rate of 60bpm. Suffice it to say that my pulse and blood pressure are fine. Sometimes low, like so low that workout machines give me an error message because they can't find my pulse, but nevertheless, perfectly healthy and fine. This was not what the machine at Goodlife found. My numbers were through the roof! I was initially shocked and for a split second I was truly worried. I waited to see what the trainer would say, but she didn't react, just wrote the numbers down. I mentioned how odd that was, and what my normal range usually is, but she didn't seem to think it warranted a re-test, or that anything strange was afoot. Now I realize that my pressure and pulse were so high because my blood was already boiling at this point but I was bottling it all up inside of me! I had just had my healthy body- image assaulted and was forced to defend it, and now we're going to see what my heart is like in a calm, resting state?!
Next, I allowed the personal trainer to wrap a measuring tape around certain body parts and then I stepped onto a fancy scale that was going to tell me my weight, my body fat percentage, and the break down of my body composition (fat mass, bone mass, muscle mass etc.) For a moment before I stepped on the scale I was self-conscious. I knew what the scale was going to say, and I knew I wasn't going to be thrilled with the number. I knew I had gained over 10lbs since the beginning of my training and had never weighed this much before in my life. I also realistically had continued to tell myself that most of that weight had to be muscle, that I still fit into all of my clothes, some even better than before, and that no matter what the number is, I am not defined by it. So I stepped onto your scale, and was greeted by the expected number, and I came to terms with it. Then the scale gave my personal trainer a print-out and we went back to the table to enter the last numbers from my assessment into a computer and go over what it said.
It said that I am made up of 35% fat. To MY credit I didn't react to the number, "What do I know about body fat percentage, I'm sure its fine!" My personal trainer however, was more than happy to interpret the number for me. "35%, well that, along with your blood pressure results puts you in the very unhealthy zone." She then pointed to a column on the computer for me. I scored 62/100 on my health assessment and it was concluded that significant lifestyle changes needed to occur. In addition, 35% body fat puts me in the obese column of every body fat percentage chart. What?!
My personal trainer smiled at me, handed me the package of paperwork, detailing how unhealthy I am, and how I am at a high risk for heart attack and stroke, and then she tried to sell me 8 different personal training packages ranging from $1000-$6000, all of which I declined, before she said goodbye and left for her next appointment.
Goodlife, I am afraid. I am not afraid for me. I am not afraid that I'm going to die young from heart disease or stroke. I'm not even afraid of what 35% body fat means for me, my swim, or my overall health. What I AM afraid of is how your personal trainers are interpreting your health assessment results. If your employees can sit for an hour with me, do a workout with me, listen to the details of what my training has included over the past year, and at the end of that can point to a chart telling me I'm considered obese -- that's terrifying!! It's terrifying because I'm not obese! I'm not even close! And if you can look at a high performance athlete and ascribe that word to them without any qualms, I shudder to think what is being told to the men and women, especially young men and women who do not have the knowledge of how strong they are to fall back on. What about your clients who may not have my amazing support group and people in their life who consistently tell them they're beautiful and help build up their self-esteem?? What are you telling to the other people who look like me but might look in the mirror and actually think they are obese, and then you CONFIRM their deepest fear?! It's possible that 35% of my body is fat. I'm skeptical, but its possible. Even if that IS true, clearly in my case that number does equal an individual who is living an unhealthy lifestyle, clearly 35% does not always equal obesity.
Here's my point. I am not against your health assessment. I am not against your gym. I am actually very happy with almost everything I have experienced at Goodlife. What I AM against is the blanket, one size fits all, black and white way in which my health assessment was explained to me. Healthy doesn't always look like 18% body fat, 120lbs, and a size 2 waist. It certainly doesn't look like that for me. Healthy looks different for everyone, and that's why it's really difficult to make any kind of judgement calls based on a person's appearance. That's why fat-shaming is so problematic!
As an organization whose goal is to "give every Canadian the opportunity to live a fit and healthy good life", I'm asking you to please redefine the way you see people, and the way you're telling people to see themselves. Please stop telling healthy people that they're obese. Please stop forcing people to tell you all the things they hate about their bodies. Please stop viewing the numbers as absolute truth, to be weighted as worth more than the story of the person sitting across from you.
Sincerely,
Krista
Update: December 23rd 2015. I made it across Lake Erie! I am still a regular Goodlife Member. I am still 35% body fat. And that is still okay.
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