What's This? A Sign of Emotion?

Lately I have been experiencing stress that is unparalleled since the days of piano exams, and grade 3 baseball games. These were events that would reduce even the best part of me to a timid, self-conscious ball of nerves. And something in my life now, and I'm pretty sure I know what, is causing a reawakening of this weaker me. Since I have been self-diagnosed with a disorder of perpetually medium emotions, I have been questioning what could cause the destabilizing of a person who is usually so unstressed.

I am convinced it has something to do with the fact my pride and I are a little too tight. The thought of my pride getting hurt is apparently too much for me to handle.

Perhaps humility is in fact the ultimate cure for stress. Humility, I am learning is not a devaluing of oneself, but rather the correct allocation of one's worth, and the precise view of one's talents and actions. A view that is neither heightened to pride, nor diminished ti self-loathing. Humility is knowing one's true abilities and still directing credit to the creator.

So, new plan. I am going to carry myself in humility, realizing that the smaller my pride, the closer to the ground I'll be, and the less it will hurt should I fall.

Look at Your Wake

So there's this boat. And its a pretty decent boat, inboard/outboard motor, 250 hp, mint condition. This is your boat, and you are pretty pleased with it. So, you take your boat out, and warm her up, and you're cruising, and life is good. You hit some waves but you go right on through them without looking back.

There's a bunch of other boats out on the water today, but you're more in the mood for lots of open water. So you bypass them all with a burst of speed as your greeting.

Your tank is running low and so you head towards the closest marina to fuel up. Your are really running low so you speed toward the dock and a marina employee runs out to assist you. You pull up to the dock and the guys says,

"Man! What are you doing? Look at your wake!"

And you're thinking, "what the heck is a wake"? So you give the guy a blank stare and he points behind you. You look back and discover just what a wake is, and what it can do. Turns out as far as wakes go, your boat's got a pretty big one. The surrounding boats in the marina are being hit by your wake and smash against their docks. You realize how wide your wake is, how far it reaches and how long its affects last. You can even follow your wake back aways, still marked by bubbles, churning water, and smaller waves rolling out the sides. Thinking back you realize you've had this wake ever since you started up this boat, and your desire for open water meant you had to rock a few boats to get there.

This boat is your life.

Look at your wake.

A Year of Rain

Its been raining like this for days. It feels like its been raining like this forever. Its the kind of rain that soaks you to the bone in an instant. Its the kind of rain that makes you forget there ever was a sun. Alone in this storm you wonder what can be done. Thoughts of the future swirl around inside your head. Knowledge that the rain will stop, and that the seasons will change. But then again, the seasons always change, and they will continue to change and eventually a new rainy season will come. And what will you do then? And what will you do now?

Dance in this rain. Dance in the knowledge that this is only a season. And when the sky clears one day, and you realize the sun never left, you will see the aftermath of all that rain. You will see the new life, and the beauty, and the transformation that was happening even as the rain poured down.

"We know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint"