May Dream Journal

May 3rd - I tried to call 911, but I couldn't because T9 wouldn't let me. However, in the dream there was a large clear circular button in the middle of the phone that would call 911 for me. Convenient

May 5th - There was this little fuzzy spider on the deck at West Park Pool where I work. The lifeguards were all in the pool and decided that it was an owl spider, and it's name was snow. There was hand cream in a bright yellow container to get rid of it. One lifeguard suggested that it might be a good idea to act crazy in front of the swimmers.
May 5th - I was on a treasure hunt with Joel, Brandon and Ben in a pool and in a park near a seniors community centre. We were looking for 2 digital cameras. I stuck my hand into the pool grate and found a paper airplane kit.

May 11th - My family opened the pool together. My mom splashed my cell phone and the number 80 showed up in black ink to prove that it had water damage. If it was okay, the number would have been 180 in red ink.

My Anthem

I will never be that person. I have chosen not to be first. You think I'm wrong, but I'm not who you think I am. I am a leader out of necessity more than out of personal preference. It's what has worked for me. It's gotten me this far and will hold me together for a while longer. There are easier roles I could have chosen. Roles that are instantly more rewarding. But I could never be that person. I am controlling because I care, not because I hate you. I shout because that's how I was raised not because I'm angry. If I am angry, I will shower you in freshly baked goods. You don't always know my answer because I'm not who you think I am. I'll tell you the truth the first time you ask, so you don't have to ask again. I will not always tell you everything. I can't do that, and I won't do that, because you don't need that. My shield is intimidation, my sword is sarcasm. But these are the weapons of someone who doesn't really want to fight. I will not pick a fight, but I will confront you if it's necessary. I am often scared, but not of the things that you think. I like being by myself, I don't usually feel lonely. I spend time around other people more for them, than for me. Sometimes I'm really good at reading people. Sometimes I'm too easy to read. But I don't like being that person. I know things I don't want to know. I learn fast, I break easy. I hold on, I don't forget. I have a great memory but I will never be that person who holds a grudge. I will never be that person that falls apart in public. I will never be that person that cries out loud for help. I will never be the person who doesn't speak their mind. I will never try to hurt you. I will never try to lie to you. I will never be that person who follows. I will never be that person who takes the easy way out. I am not who you think I am, and I will never be that person.

Matters of Morality Part 2

Incredible isn't it, now that you think about it, how typical we are as humans. God must be seriously disappointed in the amount of times we screw up, how often we turn our backs on him on purpose; especially those of us who say we know him. I know you know him. I've seen you prove it. And yet...out of all the people I hold close to me, who know me and know God, there are an outstanding number who's decisions are so wholly opposite form mine. There are many who find my choices surprising, ridiculous, unrealistic. If my standards of morality are considered unreasonable, then I'd be interested to know what you think of God's standards. You know, the same God you claim to follow. Ideally, shouldn't all the lifestyles of those who call themselves Christ followers, line up to some extent? I know God and I are not always on the exact same page. Therefore I know that I am certainly not without faults or imperfections. However, it is not in these failures that I take pride. And yet...that is exactly what you are doing! Your mistakes and short comings and errors in judgment are your boastful repertoires. Sugar coated as adventures or dares or expected teenage mess-ups. Stories are told and re-told, and the crazy thing is that then, with your permission, these things become part of what identifies you. And for what? So that you can stand out in your idiocy, and in doing so fit in with everyone else? So, excuse me for choosing to boast of different things, or better yet, not boast at all. I'd really like to think my decisions are not world shatteringly uncommon. They're common sense really, if one resigns themselves to that fact that there is right and wrong. And the times that I choose wrong; I would rather not recount those in the company of others. I simply do not feel the need to prove myself imperfect. To what point and purpose would that be? So I ask you not to hold me accountable for the things I have not done and proceed to hold those above my head to no profit. However, I would not resent you in the least for holding me accountable, for there are many reasons to. And if you don't know of those reasons, then there's a reason for that too.