First? Last? 30492nd?

Ha, good one, jokes on me! I walked right into that. Just when i feel like I've got hold of something, someone kicks me in the proverbial balls and I'm even now still reeling from the hit. Am I surprised? Only slightly, I'm not really a stranger to disappointment. It was foolish to get my hopes up, to let others get my hopes up. Just once in my life though I think it'd be nice to be really good at something. Not just halfway decent, middle of the pack, but 'better than anyone I know' good at something. I mean yes, there are plenty of things I'm okay at; piano, school, singing, swimming. It's not like I'm mad at God for not gifting me with enough abilities. But sometimes I wish that God had chosen just one thing and enabled me to excel at it. I don't care all that much about being acknowledged or recognized. Just knowing would be enough for me I think. But maybe that is foolish. If you build up my confidence on one talent, then what happens when that one person comes along who's just a little bit better than you? Then your world would shatter, that's what. I used to think it must be an amazing feeling to hold a world record. maybe win the 100m dash and break the world record at the Olympics. What an amazing feeling to be the fastest man or woman on earth. But how long does that last? A year? Four years? Twenty even? But no one can hold that spot forever. And who has time for the second fastest person on earth, or the third, or the thirty-thousandth, four-hundredth, and ninety-second? In the famous words of Ricky Bobby, "If you're not first, you're last." So I don't really know where to file this. I don't need to be world famous for something, I'm not even sure I want that. I'd just like to be good, and know I'm good, maybe even have a couple people tell me so. The frustrating bit? Part of me thinks that I am good, or could be. But I'll never get the chance to try and prove it, so I guess I'll never know.