More Doubts

So, life got busy again. Too busy; it happens. I forgot to care about all the little things, and the big things. I forgot about smiles, I forgot about working hard, I forgot about family time. I forgot about God time. I forgot about looking forward to things. I forgot about praying. I forgot about dreaming. I forgot about loving. I forgot everything except how to feel nothing. And then it rained. It rained hard, and with my hand out the car window feeling returned for a moment. In that moment it didn't matter what the feeling was. And following this moment was a flood, a renewal, a reminder, a new life. But from force of habit I still put in earphones to drown out my own thoughts, to block out emotions. Because there are still those things that happen tat make you unsure of how to carry on. Right now no answer seems right, or fair, or easy. And doubt invades everything you aren't absolutely sure of. I'm not sure what to hope for anymore. If there is any hope that's still one thing I can't feel. And my prayers are as conflicted as my thoughts.