Remember When?

Remember when we were mustard yellow? Remember the mosquitoes? Remember the canoes? Remember when 4 in the current? Remember arguments in a hammock? Remember falling? Remember falling? Remember falling? Remember mud? Remember when we lost one, or was it two? Remember that sketchy white bucket? Remember bible stories and scary stories? Remember chocolate cinnamon goodness? Remember when they kissed? Remember pure acoustic worship? Remember being voted off the island? Remember two in a tree? Remember worrying about initiation? Remember how that never happened? Remember late night prayers? Remember being in an illegal cabin, repeatedly? Remember paper thin bathroom walls? Remember song practice? Remember stacking wood? Remember tractor rides while stacking more wood? Remember almost burning down a building? Remember that time with the mattress in the rafters? Remember that time people practically climbed mountains to get service for their cells? Remember when the cells were no more? Remember when you were BFM (Best Friend Material)? Remember that time at 2 in the morning? Remember how that won't ever happen again? Remember that time in Orillia? Remember how it was raining? Remember that corner? Remember that accident? Remember when there was that wedding and we changed the tire? Remember when we stood, drenched, in a circle and prayed? Remember 80km and the four-ways? Remember Australia? JOKES! Remember 5am? Remember three huge bowls of lettuce every day? Remember pink eye and knives? Remember when there was "one scoop" of cookie dough in a bag? Remember adventures in the cooler? Remember Hobart? Remember not to give him your fingers. Remember that time when the wild cow came? Back? Again? Remember the green peppers that I never got to eat? Remember the buns that didn't rise? Remember the pizza dough that didn't spread? Remember those darn aluminum pans? Remember stealing ice cream sandwiches? Remember when we went to Bala? Remember bridge jumping illegally? Remember exchanging bathing suits underwater? Remember downtown Gravenhurst? Remember that tattoo parlour? Remember that guy who wanted a nipple ring? Remember that week of sleepless nights? Remember that alarm clock that would go off at 4am? Remember sharing clothes to the point where nobody knew whose was whose? Remember when we threw water at children? Remember when we laughed at them? Remember when we threw water at each other? Remember when we cried? Remember when we tried to hold our breaths under buckets? Remember our favourite playlist? Remember the big chair and home depot shopping carts? Remember summer 08.

More Doubts

So, life got busy again. Too busy; it happens. I forgot to care about all the little things, and the big things. I forgot about smiles, I forgot about working hard, I forgot about family time. I forgot about God time. I forgot about looking forward to things. I forgot about praying. I forgot about dreaming. I forgot about loving. I forgot everything except how to feel nothing. And then it rained. It rained hard, and with my hand out the car window feeling returned for a moment. In that moment it didn't matter what the feeling was. And following this moment was a flood, a renewal, a reminder, a new life. But from force of habit I still put in earphones to drown out my own thoughts, to block out emotions. Because there are still those things that happen tat make you unsure of how to carry on. Right now no answer seems right, or fair, or easy. And doubt invades everything you aren't absolutely sure of. I'm not sure what to hope for anymore. If there is any hope that's still one thing I can't feel. And my prayers are as conflicted as my thoughts.

Simple Pleasures

An acoustic guitar is being played beside me, and I am supremely happy with no more than this

A restless night, the rain starts to fall, and I am content

An excess of time allows me to detour aimlessly.
A piece of cake waits for me.
I am able to sing a simple harmony and I know joy

My wet hair blowing in the wind, a book that I can't put down, the perfect temperature to start wearing flip flops, that's all it takes for a smile

Thank You

Thanks for pretending, I appreciate it. Thanks for being honest, just a little too late. Thanks for making promises you knew you would never keep. Thanks for backing off instead of defending who I am. Thanks for letting me be the exception. Thanks for falling silent. Thanks for letting me care. Thanks for the return on that. Thanks for taking everything, only to reject it. Thanks for short circuiting that part of my brain. Thanks for taking my advice. Thanks for knowing not to offer me any. Thanks for being there when it suited you. Thanks for this relapse. Thanks for knowing nothing about me. Thanks; thanks for nothing.

Disecting Rainbows

The colours red
And blue are missing
In a rainbow
Streaked with grey

It is but dim
Barely visible
All but hidden
By the rain

Every hue
Now impossible
Lacking blood and
Missing sky

Left with yellow
Bright is the sun, yet
There's no one left
On which to

Shine

That pot of gold
It's treasure worthless
Found counterfeit
A surprise?

It's true meaning
Promise's symbol
Near forgotten
Like the truth