New Years Resolutions

A new year approaches. A brand new, never before seen 365 days, maybe even 366. All untouched, all awaiting their turn to have the stories of 6 billion people written on them. All hoping to be a remembered day in history. The sun has set on this year, a year of change. For me, 2007 has been a year of learning, of growing, and of trials. A year that, as of now, I'm not particularly fond of. Often change brings discomfort, like wet jeans, or braces. But I hope to look back on this year and see the good in it someday.
A new year approaches, a fresh beginning, or at least we tell ourselves that. However unless we're all switching families and friend circles, unless we're all trading up our places on the globe, I think we've kind of got to work with what we've got. So then maybe we're not starting over, maybe the changes will be small, maybe they'll have bigger ramifications, maybe there will be little change at all.
Whatever awaits in the new year, I hope to find the blessings in disguise. To appreciate the coincidences that aren't actually coincidences. I'll find humility in defeat, learn from making mistakes, love more after heartache and empathize with others through my suffering. So I'll keep my head towards the sunshine, I won't hide my tears in the rain. I'll embrace every moment with optimism, inhale deeply, and never stop.

Just Another Petty Issue

You know what? I do care, so much, about everything. And I'm trying so hard not to be a bad person. I don't want to hate you. I don't want to hate anyone. But maybe it's too late for that, maybe you're just too good at reading me, somehow you know everything anyways. And I don't really care how you found out, I don't really care that you know. Well I do, but I care more about what you're gonna do about it. Are you going to tell the world? Are you going to sit and brood about it like I am? I don't trust you, let's be honest about that one. And I can't stand that you're two faced. I bugs me that you won't own up to your actions, and that you're manipulative. But the worst part is that people still like you through it all. It's not like you're all that hard to see through. And ya, that's pretty harsh, but c'mon you've already judged me pretty thoroughly too. But really, the part that cuts into me, that part that slices right through me, is the fact that I'm jealous. So jealous, jealous of how you talk to him, jealous of how he looks at you. Jealous that you two have something, something I want, with all my heart. But you don't appreciate that, i don't think you love him. Love, do you even know what that means? If you know how I feel, if you could understand even a fraction of how much i care about him, then I'd like to think things would be different. But don't worry, I won't do anything, I can't, but even if i could... I would never purposefully cause him unhappiness. If you make him happy, if you're the one he wants, then I'm gonna have to be okay with that. Even if I don't understand, and believe me, I don't understand. It's not even your problem, we're not even friends. You get the guy and never look back. The guy of my dreams, but no regrets right? So when you catch me staring at you, and him, take it as a compliment, because I'd give my entire world for him to want to be with me. But it's not like the fairytale is it? There's no happily ever afters here, and sometimes the evil stepsister gets the Prince. Don't take offense though, because if you're the evil stepsister then I'm just the village idiot, who got too attached, who loved a teddy bear that could never return her love. He doesn't even know who I am; I mean the real me. It's not like I try to hide that person, I start off each day with a fresh outlook, but the minute I step through those doors, I change. It's for protection. Don't let anyone get too close. Never close enough to hurt me, never close enough to know me. I admire you if you've broken past all that, and maybe you deserve him, maybe I'm a liar. It's not like you know me.

Highschool

Maybe in a year or two
When we're all a little bit older
Maybe then we'll understand

That this was all unnecessary
We created our problems
Maybe we'll understand
Maybe in a year or two

Maybe in a year or two
When we're no longer friends
And it no longer matters

Maybe then we'll understand
The stupidity of it all
And how our choices made it worse
Maybe in a year or two

I hope it wasn't for nothing
Maybe in a year or two
We'll see the purpose

Maybe in a year or two
Maybe then we'll understand

Inspiration

The glowing of street lamps
The sound of the cras
The cigarette smoke
Can't forget where you are

I long for the silence
Away from the crowds
To dwell in the undertones
To live in the now

No worrying about egos
Or those who take offense
And there's no one to remind you
About the consequence

Get away from the ocean
Lie down by the stream
Where you can fail by yourself
And not disappoint the team

Something about solitude
And those few simple moments
See the world by yourself
And you feel like you own it

But with the glare of the street lamps
And the noise of the cars
All that cigarette smoke
Can't forget where you are