Today I sat down with a really great friend and hashed out a reoccurring turmoil I've been having for the last 4 years. I talked, while she graciously listened. Then she talked and I sat a little awed at the wisdom pouring from her lips. And then I sat and listened to the orchestra of my life.
What I heard was very average in an unacceptable way. Average music is completely unworthy of our ears. It was predictable, robotic and uninspired. It wasn't all bad (that's what makes it average). There was some flare and some lively parts, but overall it seemed forced. It was as if the composer's hands had been tied as he was forced to follow a strict set of rules while writing the sheet music, and now both the musicians and the audience were inescapably bored.
As my brilliant friend continued talking I came to see I had forgotten important: That I cannot, with all the schedules and planning and control in all the world, force my orchestra to produce beautiful music. It just doesn't work like that. Joy or even merely happiness cannot be brought into being through brute force or willpower. Love cannot be orchestrated. Inspiration does not materialize under duress. Some of the very best times in my life cannot be traced back to careful planning. In the middle of some of the very best musical movements I would stop and wonder, "How did I get here?" "I didn't write or approve this, but I want more." I want to be surprised and excited by my life.
We are born makers. We were made to create because we have the Spirit of the Creator. But if I am ever to live to create something more than average I need to let the Creator craft me a life worth living....a life in which I am not the conductor or composer or dictator of my orchestra.
My wise friend told me there are moments when you just know you're in the right place at the right time. When you're choosing the right door or saying the right words. And you know because you don't remember how you came to that place, or how the door was opened, and you never rehearsed those words.
Flats and accidentals are all a part of the music, and it would just be too safe to write them out.
