Fine Lines

Walk straight, one foot in front of the other, you can extend your arms for balance if you choose, but it shouldn't be that difficult.

Surprisingly it is. It is that difficult.

This is the low balance beam, only a few feet off the ground, no real danger here. A mis-step or a lapse in balance will only lead to a soft tumble onto the forgiving mats I've carefully laid out below. And that happens sometimes, because this is still new to me. Sometime I lose concentration and slip. Sometimes I walk too fast, I get ahead of myself and I trip. Sometimes I want to try something new and I lose control. I know what its like to take a tumble, but I can handle it. It might mean a wounded pride, it might mean a bruise, but its a small price to pay for a mistake. Most of the time no one even notices. Yeah, its a pretty foolproof set up I've got here with my balance beam and safety mats.

Sometimes I get restless though, longing for higher stakes, bigger risk. That's when I think about the tight-rope stretched high above me. I see the girl up there, I often watch her as she makes the task look effortless. Its such a fine line to walk with no net below. I shake my head at her recklessness and yet still I envy her.

I imagine myself in her shoes. I imagine what it would be like to stand with my toes on the edge of that starting platform, adrenaline pulsing through my veins...but then I look down. I see the strategically placed mats down below. Mats that can provide no forgiveness for a fall from this height.

Does she realize that?

Does she know, my gymnast friend, that these minimal precautions are inadequate?

I size up the tight-rope. I know, beyond a doubt, that I will fall off this nearly invisible line. I still sometimes fall from the balance beam. And even if I were able to complete the impossible, even if I were miraculously able to reach the far platform, that would not be the end of this. After that I know, with equal certainty, that I would test fate again and again, as she does, in order to feel that rush. And one day, inevitably, I would fall. Just as one day, inevitably, she will fall. Human error is one of the most reliable facts of life. And when I fall, when she falls from that tight-rope, it will not be to next morning bruises or renewed humility. If I fell it would break me, it might even break my heart.

And so I bring my mind down from that lofty edge, to focus on putting one foot in front of the other. It is a bittersweet adventure we are both taking, as we each walk our own fine lines.

Resilience

Resilience by definition is the ability for an object to return to its original form after being bent, compressed, stretched etc. OR a person's ability to recover from a form of adversity.

Its kind of a cool concept. The idea of remaining unchanged by the forces around us. We see resilience everyday. We watch our bodies heal themselves from something like a bruise. We see people recover from a serious illness. We watch people who have endured terrible relational heartbreak who have picked themselves up, moved on, and forged new relationships. A great example would be all the perennials that endure a harsh winter each year and re-emerge like new each spring.

Unfortunately human resilience is not quite so simple as trees and tulips.

Human resilience leaves a mark. It isn't possibly to return to the original form. There is the possibility of assuming a new form very similar to the old, but there are subtle marked differences. Bones will heal, but will remain more fragile than those which were never broken. Deep cuts will heal but there will remain a scar. We may recover from illness or disease, but traces of it stay with us, our immune system both strengthened and weakened. Our hearts may mend from heartbreak, but the memories remain, and we step into life more cautiously after we have exuded human resilience in any of these ways.

Human resilience is not eternal. Children demonstrate the most resilience both physically and emotionally. Its pretty much all downhill from there. Resilience is kind of a limited entity. You can only get out of jail free, (or almost free), so many times before you have to do some time, or pay through the nose to get out of it. Its kind of like the nine lives thing. Our bodies, our hearts, will give us second chances, and lots of them, but as much as they may seem unlimited, eventually we will discover they're not.

And I fear that day, because I depend on that resilience in my life. I take for granted that, like an elastic, I'll just snap back every time. But that's not how it will always work, and I'm worried that one day I might just snap.