Disclaimer: This is Just Me: May 2010

Dear world, stop screwing up every one's kids. I don't like the way most kids are being raised these days, so lets steer away from what is considered typical, and let me introduce you to Krista's 26 point guide on how to raise abnormal kids.

1.Parents should not be taking comfort or satisfaction in the knowledge that everyone else's kids are just as misbehaved and out of control as their own. Other's parent's shortcomings do not justify your own.

2. I sincerely believe that kids have not changed all that much over the centuries. they still all eat mud, and want other kids' toys, and miss their parents on the first day of kindergarten. But society has changed, and the standards for what is socially acceptable have changed, and it is reflected in today's kids. Well screw that, kids need to start with a black and white idea of what is right and wrong.

3.Children should not be heavily medicated. Stop making excuses for your child's behaviour! They don't need Ritalin, they don't need special treatment; what they need is consistency in their lives and parents with a backbone.

4. Children should never be defined by an illness or disorder. I am not denying the scientific proof that there are some medical/behavioural disorders that children can suffer from, (I do not believe that a child exits their mother's womb in a severely depressed or hyper-active state the requires immediate therapy), however there are some exceptions to the "don't medicate your child on a regular basis" rule. The point is, regardless of what is going on in a child's body, in terms of a handicap or other life struggle, it should not define them, or define the way others see them. A child should introduce themselves as, "Hi, I'm Johnny, I'm 7 years old, I like to play soccer and baseball and hockey and basketball, and ....and .... and.....". NOT: "Hi, I have ADHD, and sometimes I forget to take my meds, and my name is Johnny". If a child deals with something like ADHD, that's just one part of their life, one struggle that they will have to continually overcome, the same way another child may be having a really hard time making friends, or dealing with their parents divorce.

5. Parents should stop getting divorced. Like that is enough, when people are willingly accepting the "50% of married couples will get divorced statistic", something is very very wrong. I am tired of people refusing to take responsibility for their choices and actions. I'm tired of marriages being entered into flippantly. People think love is a feeling, and that they can fall in and out of love, this is half the problem. Love is NOT a feeling, it is not something that changes from day to day and spontaneously disappears. Who in their right mind would want to build a marriage on an inconsistent feeling? Love is a choice. You choose to get married? You choose to love someone regardless of whether you're having a crappy day or if they piss you off, or have bad breath in the morning. I think its possible for couples to enter into a marriage and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they will not divorced. Not getting divorced is also a choice, and a choice is an action, or in this case a series of actions. Like constantly working on that relationship and communicating, and staying faithful. If a couple cannot ensure a stable, loving, household and environment for their family, then don't bother bringing a child into this crazy world.

6.The second half of the problem is that people still think marriage is the solution, I love Disney, but they screwed us. Notice how most movies end at the marriage scene, or the "riding off into the sunset, just prior the wedding" part? Mhm, not always going to be a magic carpet ride over a castle with a handsome prince and household objects that do your bidding for the rest of your married life. Relationships=conflicts. Grow up, talk things out, admit your mistakes, grow together, learn from each other, and tell each other that you love each other every single day.

7. Children will model parents. Parents are (or should be), a child's first role model. If parents are rude to each other, the child will likely take on some of that rudeness. If a parent swears, then that parent shouldn't be surprised when their precious baby drops an f-bomb at a family gathering.

8. DISCIPLINE: its kind of a big deal. Stop lecturing your 2 year old on how "Breaking that lamp really hurt mommy's feelings, because Mommy's mommy, which would be grandma, gave it to her and it was blue, her favourite colour, and oh my goodness you could have cut yourself, and do you really think I have time to go out and buy another lamp today?!". Pick that child up, move them away from the broken fragments, check to make sure the child is not cut or broken, then slap that childs' hand, look them in the eyes and tell them "No". A different approach should be taken when your 16 year old calls you from a party drunk. Get your butt down to that party to pick up your child because there is a reason they called, let you child sleep off their first hangover, because it gives you a head start on their punishment. Then give your child a nice long list of household chores, take away tv privileges, and when they are ready, have the good long chat that you should have had years before you let them go to that party.

9. Children are not stupid. My 3 yr old cousin knows the way to church, to the lego store, to kidzone, to the grocery store, a number of malls, to his dad's work and home again. He knows the city better than me, and his sister dresses better than I do, and informs me when I don't match. Children should be given responsibility from a young age. Give your kids a chance to prove themselves to you. Building up trust with kids is so important if you want them to obey you and respect the relationship that you both have poured time into. I said not to lecture your 2 year olds, that statement still stands....however begin having BIG conversations with your kids from a young age. Talk about bullying before the go to school, have the drinking conversation when they ask to have a sip of your wine and you consider letting them. Have the sex talk before you let them watch Friends and before they have to hear it from their awkward teachers in gr.5.

10. I think child services need to take a chill pill. I respect what they are trying to do, but their methods seem a little whack sometimes. In my books, spanking is okay. As long as the parent isn't spanking to release their anger upon the child, and as long as the parent has just reason to do so.

11. Put your child in swimming lessons, (sorry, personal little rampage here). Put your child in swimming lessons and leave them in lessons until they know how to put on a lifejacket,can do laps around a backyard pool, tread for several minutes, demonstrate the steps for CPR, and jump into water without goggles and without plugging their nose.

12. Put your child in an arts and a sports program. Get your young child into music lessons or dance lessons, as well as on a soccer or baseball or other sports team. Just don't go over the top as a soccer mom.

13. Road trip with your kids from infancy. Not only will they achieve superior bladder control and fall asleep on command with the sound of a moving car around them, they will also learn to be patient and it makes all the shorter car trips seem like nothing.

14. Raise your own children. Get them out of everyday daycare, stop abandoning them for hours at the YMCA, and no, your kids do not need a nanny. You have authority issues with you kids? No wonder!! That's because they have 12 different authority figures in their life that they spend time with as often as with you.

15. Give your kids chores. Kids are capable. Especially farm kids, like I respect those kids a lot. If a farm kid can milk a cow, shovel hay, collect the chicken's eggs and feed the pigs, all before they go to school, then any kid can make their bed, tidy their toys, and clear their dishes from the table.

16. As a parent, you should be saying "No" more often than you say "Yes". Everyone in today's society has this idea of entitlement, and its worsening with every generation. Your kids are not entitled to unlimited tv time, the newest iPod, and a $20 weekly allowance.

17. Schools need to totally revamp themselves. Music, art, drama, dance, gym, and tech are equally as important in today's society as science and math and english. However, leave your children in public education. AVOID HOMESCHOOLING AT ALL COSTS. And don't strive to be like the family in 19 Kids and Counting, get those kids out of their bubble

18. Blur gender roles. Teach your son how to do his laundry and cook his favourite meals. Teach you daughter how to mow the lawn and how to put gas in the car.

19. Play the "What If" game with your child. "What if you don't make the sports team you tried out for? What if you get lost in the shopping mall? What if you think someone is following you? What if you are offered a cigarette?"

20. Eat dinner as a family. Talk about your day together, the highs and lows, laugh together, pray together. BE A FAMILY.

21. Take your kids to a funeral before they lose a grandparent.

22. Give your kids a world-view. Disney world is great, but try a missions trip and compare our child's attitude in the two trips.

23. If at all possible, save your kid from "Only Child Syndrome", have a second one.

24. Don't bubble wrap your kids. Let them fall and scrape their knees. Don't bathe them in disinfectant.

25. Save your yelling voice for when it really counts.

26.Tell your kids you love them, multiple times a day, everyday. Tell them after every argument, tell them after every major accomplishment. Tell them when they get up in the morning, and before the go to bed at night. There should never be any doubt in any child's mind that they are wholly and unconditionally loved.

Disclaimer: This is Just Me

Monday, May 17, 2010

Raising Abnormal Kids

Friday, May 14, 2010

Thank You John Mayer, you took the words right out of my mouth