Disappointment in Change

Life is full of disappointments. That's not debatable, it's just the truth. Often people are the source of those disappointments; at least, that's been the case for me.
This summer I gave alot of people a clean slate. I threw away my preconceived ideas about people and decided to give everyone a second chance. I figured that if I was right about everyone, then I have lost nothing, and can not be held accountable for anything more than being too lenient with second chances. But if I was wrong, then hopefully I will have gained a more accurate judgement of people by the end of the summer.
This summer I witnessed people change, almost miraculously. I was deeply impressed and came to the conclusion that people change. But I was wrong, people don't change. They don't change in a summer, they don't even change in a lifetime. It's not even that people don't change, I not even sure people can change. I don't mean change as in the way people dress, or they way they talk, or their mannerisms. I mean real change; change in the way one reacts to situations, change in the way one treats another, change in the things one truly believes in. I'm not sure that change is possible. In the very least, I've never witnessed it. I read somewhere that our personalities is developed by age 4. Maybe after that, our efforts to change really are in vain.
People let you down, it's a fact of life. People seem to let me down alot. It's possible that I expect too much of people. It's possible that I hope too often. Apart from God, I've never had anyone who's never let me down, and I don't expect to ever meet someone like that. I don't expect perfection from anyone. But one day I really hope to meet to meet just one person in this world that does everything in their power not to let me down. I truly hope such a person exists.

As I Am

Take me as I am
Take me with the weakened soul I have
Take my every flaw
Take me by the hand
Love me just for me
Love me just for everything I could be
I hope you understand
And take me as I am

Maybe I am scared
Maybe I'm afraid and unprepared
Maybe I am lost
Whenever you're not there
Maybe this is real
Maybe I'm the only one who feel
I wish you never cared
I wish I wasn't scared

Not That Hard

This isn't really the hard part. Well, it is hard, but it isn't the hardest part. I've gotten pretty good at waiting, it seems like that's all I ever do. I used to think I was impatient, but in many ways, I'm the most patient person I know. I'd never really thought about it, but society on a whole spends alot of time waiting. Waiting for a phone call, waiting for the stores to open, waiting for a light to turn green. Waiting for the movie to start, waiting for the bus, waiting for the rain to stop. We wait in lines, we even have rooms designated specifically for waiting. For a world that is so focused on advancing and moving forward, we sure spend alot of time standing still. Some of us can go about our everyday lives and still be waiting for something. Waiting for forgiveness, waiting to get older, waiting for the person you love to figure out whether they love you back. But like I said, waiting isn't that hard. It's like the equivalent of pushing the pause button on our lives, or on our minds, or on our hearts. The hard part is figuring out what to do after the indefinite period of waiting is over. Figuring out what I want. Figuring out where to go from here.