Story of A Bleeding Heart

Can I take away this pain; from you, from everyone?
We've talked for hours about this, but we take this road that never seems to get us anywhere.
Can I take away these tears; from you, from everyone?
I'll gladly take them instead so that I don't have to see you cry.
Can I take away this burden; from you, from everyone?
And even though the weight will bear down on me, I'm just glad you won't have to feel it.
Can I take away this heartache; from you, from everyone?
Please break my heart instead and then yours can remain whole.
Can I take away the pressure; on you? on everyone?
Take away all the barriers and limitations that stop you from just being you.
Can I take away the hunger; from you, from everyone?
Endure all the relentless cravings, so you'll never starve again.
Can I take insecurity away; from you, from everyone?
I'm willing to feel small, so that you can walk with your head held high.
Can I take away these fears; from you, from everyone?
I'll be blinded by the invading dark, but you'll take this light and never fear again.
Can I take away this grieving; from you, from everyone?
I'll deal with the sorrows and mourning of death, so that you can contine living.
Can I take away all sickness; from you, from everyone?
Suffer through the effects of diseases, so that you can drink to your good health.
Can I take away all the troubles and problems felt by you, and everyone?
So that you can live in a perfect world, and when you're ready, maybe you can come back and help me.

The Messenger

Her sobs echo form the other end of the receiver, the message had hit her like a brick. I wasn't the cause of the tears, however I had brought forward the news. I was stuck in the crossfire between two forces that refused to talk it out. Receiving half of the story, then relaying it and receiving the other half. Though somehow, try as I might, I failed to deliver the entire message to either end. Every conversation ends in tears or denial, never reaching a conclusion. For each exchange is one sided, seen only from a narrow perspective. One cannot be objective when they are the object, and the messenger simply knows too much. even if the messenger could be objective, they are also asked to be a friend to both parties and therefore it all becomes more complicated. Trust is broken, promises shattered, promises made under false pretenses, promises made without the intent of keeping them. This messenger plays the double agent, the traitor, the disloyal friend. So when the day is through, although the two sides face sadness and anger, it is the messenger that bears all the feelings of frustration, of betrayal, and of loss. even with the best intentions, the messenger often takes the blame. Maybe that's where it belongs, or maybe nobody else will own up. Admittedly, the messenger sometimes seems to only be stirring the pot which is when some things, true things, are better left unsaid. Somewhere along the way, it will all come back around to the messenger, sending them back past where they began. And when I pick myself up now, I'm limping.
"Don't kill the messenger." Well, if you leave them alone long enough, they'll kill themselves.

Disclaimer

If these words mean nothing
If this breath is wasted
If it's fallen on weeds
If you can't bear to face it
You can throw it away
Ignore it completely
Like seeds to the wind
Discard it discretely
And don't feel guilty
That you've wasted my time
I've cast this before you
Like pearls before swine
So thanks for your patience
As I just babble on
Maybe it'll all mean something
After I'm gone

A Sliver of Truth

Kristenne pulled her sleeves tighter down her arms, it was finally beginning to feel like winter. The leaves were reluctantly leaving the trees, their harvest colours lost beneath many trampling feet. She should have been in school, it was almost 2:00, and her fourth period university English class was beginning. Surely someone had noticed, maybe even phoned home, but then again, maybe not, it was more likely the attendance would be assumed incorrect. But this is a good excuse anyways right? Surely when it comes down to it, friendship trumps school. She could hear the slow trickling creek, blocked with twigs and compost. She could smell the smoke before she saw it. anger burned inside her, he promised! His back was turned to her, but there was no doubt in her mind, she recognized him by his stance. Her footsteps shifted the gravel, and he glanced back at her. It wasn't until she was mere feet away that he tossed down the cigarette and put it out with the sole of his shoe.
"Hey." He said, his voice drawling and gruff.
"Ya, hey." Her jaw was set, her eyes hard and emotionless.
"I'm only in town for a couple of hours..." He made a feeble attempt at conversation.
"And then what?"
"Then I take a bus and play at a gig."
"Fun..." There was no sincerity in her voice.
"Ya. So what's up with you?"
"Well, I'm skipping school to meet with a stranger."
"Huh?"
"Never mind, it doesn't matter anymore, I shouldn't have come." Her tone was icy.
"What's your problem?"
"Well, should we recap? Okay, I'll make this brief since you're not worth my time anymore. First you totally ditch on New Years Eve to see a girl you hardly know, and I lie for you. Second, I find out you've been drinking and smoking and possibly dealing and I keep quiet. Then you run away from home and ask me to meet you here, and I had hoped you'd changed, but clearly you haven't, so I don't even know why I'm here." She watched his face closely for any sign of emotion, but he, like herself, was skilled at concealing his true feelings.
"You didn't have to come."
"That's all you have to say?! Why did you ask me to come?"
"I had hoped you would lend me some money and some bus tickets, and.... and i came to say that I'm not six anymore."
Kristenne's face burned. "Shane, I really don't ever want to see you again." She dug through her pockets and grabbed a bus ticket. Tossing it on the ground she scuffed it in the dirt, "Go home Shane." And she turned away, unable to see the hurt flash across his eyes.
Instead of going home, Kristenne wandered along the edge of the creek, still breathing heavily. The branches cut her cheeks, and the trickle of blood was mixed with tears; tears of anger, tears of frustration. They had known each other forever, maybe longer. they had once walked the same path, and now they were running, sprinting, in opposite direction. Friendship wasn't something that came easily to Kristenne, she could never seem to hang on to them. Independence suited her just fine, but now and again, the human desire for relationships took over and wrenched her out of her safe secluded world. But when that happened, when she tried her legs in the social community, she always ended up falling and breaking her heart.
She stopped to pick some of the burs out of her hair. the prickly balls scratching her skin but not actually cutting through. the relationship with Shane and his family had been on pins and needles for a while. And you just cut the final thread, the last connection on a sixteen year friendship, props to you.
There were no more tears, that stage was over, tears didn't make a difference. Tears only let people know something was wrong, and Kristenne was tired of fighting those battles. So there would be no more tears, and no more letting people in, or letting people down.
The autumn sun made it seem later than it was, probably only 5:00, but the sun had almost set. Almost dinner time, excuses now running through her head, Kristenne began the journey home. "Stayed late at school, not hungry, going to bed." Mumbling as she walked past the kitchen and up the stairs into her room. yet another occasion when she desperately wanted a lock on her door. To lock out her family, to lock away all her feelings, and everything that would remind her of this day. The sketches on her walls, the small comforts, visions of understanding and expression. She pulled out old photo albums, covered in dust and the dirt from many hands long ago. Pictures of summer vacations, campfires, and car rides. Innocent, smiling, chocolate covered faces, all unaware of the future ahead. Kristenne realized that there was no one she could stay mad smiling six year old missing his two front teeth that stared up at her. Even if that wasn't the person he was anymore, nothing can change the past, and that past made them who they are. So there was nothing left for Kristenne to do expect love Shane for who he is, and hope that by not giving up on him, she can impact his life. She pulled another bus ticket out of her pocket and hesitated. After a moment she grabbed her phone and began texting, "Where did you say that gig was?"

Stuck in the Past

Dark hair, dark eyes,
And he's found a darker side to life
I couldn’t hold him back, for long
Gone are the days
When we would laugh the time away
I really miss them now,
But you’ve seemed to somehow,
Forgotten who you were when we were small.
You can’t handle it all.
I’m not trying to hold you back
I’m not trying to keep you here
We all cut you some slack
We knew the time was near
But we never could imagine
All the stupid things you’d do
And however hard we tried
The message wasn’t getting through
We know its your choice
And you won’t take no for an answer
You’re more stubborn than us all
But out there there’s much to fear